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Filling a Void

Moving to California was one of the best decisions of my life. That being said, it has not always been the  easiest transition for me. One of my biggest struggles has been developing true friendships. While I have a couple close friends here I miss my girlfriends from home every single day.
What bothers me the most is that since being here, I’ve been letting other people’s ways effect mine. Not having many people I can depend on has shaken me up and hindered my actions. I feel like I’m very rarely myself when I am with anyone but those select few that I trust. I’m finding that feeling uneasy about my surroundings has made my shyness escalate. 
That being said, some may wonder how my “shyness” has allowed me to have this blog. Here I am, sharing my life with mostly strangers. But the thing is, I don’t really think about that. It’s actually really easy (although a lot of work!) for me to have this blog. I guess it’s because I know that I am sharing myself with people who enjoy what I do. It’s easy to “talk” to people who I know will only come to listen if they want to.
I love connecting with other people who have the same interests as I do. That is something that I regrettably lack in my “real” life. This blog has been an incredible way for me to befriend other girls just like me. It has made that void in my every day life less prominent.  I’m thankful.

Join the discussion 29 Comments

  • Awww, I totally get where your coming from. We moved to Alaska last year and it has been much the same for me.

  • I hear that! My friends and I are in the stages of life where we’re all moving away (physically) from each other, and I have yet to make new friends in the area that I live. It’s so hard for us shy types, which is why blogging is so great.

  • Krista LaRee says:

    I just wanted to say how fantastic it is that you just up and moved out here to california! it was so brave of you, and if you just stay true to yourself always, the right people will come into your life 🙂

  • Kristen says:

    I just moved a year ago and I have found that it took me awhile to make really strong connections too. I’m shy as well. It’s harder the older you get to find people with similar interests, goals, values, for sure. I definitely think that it’s gotten easier to be myself after giving it a lot of time, and I don’t expect to have as many friends as I did in a place I lived for years and years, but the friends I have made are awesome. I hope that it gets easier for you too!

  • Great post! I agree completly with what you wrote about not being able to depend on others and it makign you feel shaken up. I couldn’t agree more. It’s almost something you take for granted as you get older.

    Your blog is GREAT!…and I couldn’t agree more about having your own space on the internet to meet other girls, with the same interests. keep doing what you’re doing. Life is full of so many good surprises. 🙂

  • I really do love your blog; it’s one of my favorite reads. I know how hard it can be to move somewhere where you have no friends…hopefully, you’ll meet new people with your same interests soon enough. Missing friends is the worst 🙁

  • Rachel W K says:

    thank you so much for sharing. I feel lost too… we recently moved to CT when all my friends and family are in AZ. it’s so hard to build relationships like the ones we have growing up!

  • Gina says:

    I feel the same way. My husband and I moved here 4 years ago and I have made friends, but they aren’t my friends from home/college. They aren’t the ones I will know when I am an old lady.
    It is hard when you are shy….which I am! The wird thing is that a blog can make you come out fo your shell and allow you to meet so many people. having a blog has been a blessing :).

  • Friends are truly hard to find and keep. True friends.

    Blogging gives a glimpse in everyone’s life even when they don’t post about personal things. You can see a lot of how a person believes and their morals by what is posted or allowed on their blogs.

    Some days our blog is our therapist and a free on at that!


  • I just moved to CA two months ago and am feeling EXACTLY the same as you are. I’ve been VERY lonely and it’s been really hard.

    But this week I met up with another blogger who reached out to me to have coffee and we had a fantastic time!

    Let me know if you’re ever interested in meeting up. I can never have too much coffee!

  • allie says:

    I can definitely relate to you. I moved to a new city in May with my boyfriend (now fiance) and I am also finding it hard to develop real relationships with girl friends. My blog is also a way for me to connect with friends from college and do and talk about “girly” things while spending most of my time with boys. I wish you the best of luck in your pursuit of friendship!

  • Hey,
    We’ve all been there, but I do think it gets easier. Also, if you’re interested I’m planning a SoCal Blogger Meetup in San Diego on Feb. 4.. Gina, who commented above, went to our meetup too. 🙂 It was really fun.. and a really good way to meet sweet girls who share the same interests.

    Let me know if you’re interested and I’ll add you to our email list 🙂

    Hope things get easier

  • Jenn says:

    This post really hit home with me. I moved to Boston with my fiance this past June and I have had a really hard time meeting friends…having my fiance around when he is not in school is great, but I miss my girlfriends and having someone to talk to about anything!

  • lolly says:

    Girl – I feel you and I’ve been feeling the EXACT same way lately… well, ever since I moved to California from NY 4 years ago.

    It’s hard making new friends when you’re older and it’s harder to realize they will never be the same as the bonds you have with girlfriends back home. I’ve realized it but I don’t think I’ve accepted it yet, because I miss being able to spend time with those girls and I miss the feelings I get when I am with them. I haven’t felt them since moving, so it’s been a struggle.

    I’ve always enjoyed my online life – meeting people and making friends with girls all over the world. I’m so thankful for it and those I’ve become close with. I know we barely know each other, but I’m here if you need to chat since we’re in such a similar situation. Who knows, maybe we’re who each other has been looking for 😉

    Happy Holidays!

  • Elizabeth says:

    I took a leap of faith 11 years ago and followed my fiance to Colorado…no job, 1 friend, no family. It was rough at first…not going to lie, but as I threw myself into the activities I loved ( skiing, politics, education, crafts etc) I found that I met the neatest people, and because they loved the same things I did, I overcame my shyness. I took every class I could find at Colorado Free U. I signed up to campaign, I volunteered at schools…and eventually I built a small but really solid group of people that I love and depend on. Put yourself out there. Find places that you can take a class or even teach a class ( after all, you rock a craft girl!) Be open and friendly, and people will not be able to help but love you!

  • Heidi says:

    This really resonates with me. I often feel the same way since we moved to Baltimore and am just starting to find a small niche of people here. Since starting my stationery business a year ago, I feel like a lot of my friends think I’m weird for doing this and give me strange looks when I talk about it. I am so thankful to have a connection to others with similar interests through social media. It makes me feel as though I’m not as crazy as my friends make me out to be and helps me find footing in it all!

  • Ellen says:

    I’m so proud of you for doing ALL that you have done and all that you do. You’re an inspiration to me 🙂 And I can relate to much of what you said. I finally have found some friends here, but not a single one that I feel a “real” connection with. I’m glad you’ve found a way to fill that void. And always remember, I miss you too!

    ps I’m not normally a part of this blogging world, so I have no idea how I was supposed to name myself or if I did it right! How embarrassing!

  • Sowmya V says:

    Hello Julie, Just read your post via fb. I echo the same thoughts as life and careers keep us moving and we miss out on good old times/places/people. Memories are all that stay and sometimes as much as there is a thrill in moving, it has its downsides. But yes, blogosphere is every girl’s BFF, you can express yourself and still keep your distance. Online friends are sometimes the best buddies:) I am in California too…!

  • ElleSee says:

    Unlike you, being the girl that moves away from it all, I’m the girl who everyone moves away from. I’ve been fortunate enough to meet a few girls that I enjoy spending time with, but my husband is the one I feel a real connection with.

    It can be hard at times not having a girl to talk to, but that’s what the internet is for. Haha! I’m so grateful for having found you. From the moment I started reading your blog, I have felt like I have known you for years, and yet I don’t know you at all. It’s strange how that works. I love how blogging and whatnot has made it possible for me to meet people like you 🙂

  • Candice says:

    I totally understand. I’ve been living in South Korea for the past 5 years (for work and also for my hubby) but it’s been hard to really connect with people here the way I did back home in Sydney. I miss my girlfriends all the time and find some strange comfort in blogging to strangers too 🙂 You have a wonderful blog and I’m glad that you’re able to connect with people on here!

  • ImAprilE says:

    I totally admire the fact that you were able to stop everything and move to CA, but I can completely understand how it may be overwhelming. It’s hard to forge solid, trusting relationships. I am a huge extrovert but am also a introvert as well as I don’t always know who I can trust to allow me to be “me”. I think you and I would have alot in common. Too bad we’re on opposite coasts! 🙂

  • Love your blog girly! AND I love blogging for this reason too, I have met so many amazing girls here:-)

  • mistergandme says:

    great post! i moved 7 weeks ago 1400 miles away from my friends and family– but actually your blog reminds me to enjoy the adventure almost every day! it takes time to find people that you feel comfortable being yourself around so eventually your future besties will reveal themselves 🙂 (and mine too!)

  • Emily says:

    Loved the honesty in this post. Moving isn’t easy! You’ll meet some great people, though. It just takes time!
    Oh – Fancy That.

  • in the last 6 years, i’ve lived in 4 different cities, two of them were in 3rd world countries. it’s super hard creating an authentic community wherever you are.

    stay open to new acquaintances. you never know when they will turn into a best friend 🙂

    thanks for sharing this with all of us!

  • Lisa @ MMT says:

    I know exactly how you feel! We’ve moved so much in the last 5 years that every time I start to develop friendships and feel a little more comfortable, we end up moving. It’s hard to find true friends and the more we move and the older I get, the more I realize this..
    Blogging is a great tool to use to make new friends. I’m sure with in time, you will find many friends in CA!

  • Hello Julie! Just look how much you have touched other ladies facing similar situation as yours. Who knows, maybe before you wrote this post, it was that so called “darkest” moment of the night, right before the dawn 🙂
    I moved to Switzerland nearly 5 years ago, that´s about 2000 km away from my family and friends. There were moments when I wish I had friends here with whom I be the way I was with friends in my country. But at the same time – these 5 years have given me a great opportunity to discover what I want and allow myself to be more me – it only depends on me. If I ever tried to fit in here – that was my mistake. I am different and I always will be. And being in this place is a great opportunity to be MORE ME than back at my country where others already had formed their opinions about who I was 🙂 Well, now there are times when my old friends are disappointed and say I have changed etc. And they are right – I have changed in a way that does not fit THEM, but I feel more being myself than before. And I know, this is a transformation phase, things will keep changing and who knows where I gonna arrive in some time…
    The best thing I have understood for myself this year is that I don´t need to find myself, instead – I can create myself and re-imagine and whatever I feel like 🙂 I wish you to find more of those really great sides of being where you are now and following your journey with open and curious heart, having fun NO MATTER WHAT!

  • I feel ya girl! I moved away from the mitten 4 years ago and still have not found any “real” friends here in Nashville. wish we lived closer!

    Craig’s company has a warehouse out in Cali, I’ve been trying to talk it up to him… he’s not having any of that yet. YET! hah.

  • Tina says:

    I feel your pain…..Husband moved us to Shanghai, China for work. Strange language, strange customs, no one to talk to. Painful. Many people here though, say that it gave them a chance to “reinvent” themselves. Best wishes to you!

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